Out of Office: Ten Things to do 9/09 -9/22

Book your goddamn holiday flights

Buying tickets for vacation is stressful, even if it’s for something you love (use your imagination here, as Mai Thais on the beach don’t do it for me).

The reason I bring this up is to remind you that you are not a savant of booking tickets or scheduling vacations or planning to visit grandma and grandpa around the holidays. You will wait, not buy a ticket, be left at home and be mailed “The Sad Fruit Arrangement of Disappointment.” Don’t be that family member.

Right now is the absolute best time to buy holiday plane tickets, so be sure to hit up www.kayak.com for your start, then work your way down to the individual airlines websites.


D-Bar in Uptown

Oh shit! What’s this?!?! Bulking season is here!!! Ignore the fact that bulking season never ended from last winter – that’s not important. Re-up on your cholesterol medications now.

What’s more important is that your fall palette is now starting to hum with the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte, and you’re starting to feel a little dangerous. Why not start out with a place the specializes in dessert fare?

D-Bar, 494 E. 19th Ave. in Denver, should be your go-to if you need to get full one everything but still save room for dessert. Most of their menu items come with at least a cookie at the end, but you can easily find yourself making an entire meal out of their sweets and treats. 

Have a look at their website for their menu. You’ve been warned. 

Also, be sure to make reservations early, they book up quickly on the weekends.


The sad ballad of guac

Football season is here. Hooray. Neato. We’re all happy (insert Trump fake-excited quote here). What really sucks all of the ass about football season is that it falls at the very best time to buy avocados from the local supermarket. This means that most of these beautiful fatty fruits will end up seasoned with a 99-cent guac powder mix and quickly tossed down every football fan’s gullet with a nice Buschhhhhhhhh Light to follow as a wash.

 ***Matthew dry heaves****

If you absolutely MUST throw a beginning-of-the-season football party (Don’t. Seriously.) then I would highly recommend this simple and spicy guacamole recipe. Or if you need to go watch some real football (rugby) I suggest you take your sorry self over to Scruffy Murphys for a taste of what American masculinity could have been. 


Behind the scenes of Britain’s masters

I’m a shameless Anglophile, and if I could reasonably afford it, I’d promptly decamp to somewhere around Oxford, England, and never darken these shores again. But until then, I keep a weather eye for ways to connect to the culture here. 

Back in April, I wrote about the opening of the Denver Art Museum’s new Treasures of British Art: The Berger Collection, which is absolutely in my nerdy wheelhouse. If you love history, European masters and all things British, it’s in your wheelhouse as well. And now there’s a chance to go a little deeper at the What Lies Beneath exhibit. 

Held from 8:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 12 at the DAM, 100 W. 14th Ave. Parkway., the museum’s department of painting and sculpture is hosting a symposium on early British paintings in European and American art collections. Leading scholars from America and England will present the results of their recent groundbreaking research, including on the Berger Collection’s renowned group of early portraits.

Pip pip, cheerio and I’ll see you there, once you get the details here


Nerdy burlesque is a thing

I once listened to an interview on NPR where an old-time burlesque dancer discussed how she could take an entire song to remove a single glove. It was all about the tease and delayed gratification and she made it sound all kinds of sexy. 

I have no idea if the SuicideGirls’ Blackheart Burlesque held at 9 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 12 and Friday, Sept. 13 at Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom, 2637 Welton St. in Denver, will be anything like that, but it sure sounds interesting. According to the website, it’s a burlesque act filled with “pop culture references, a high energy indie soundtrack and the sexiest choreography that will make your inner nerd explode with glee. Choreographed by one of their very own – you can see Star Wars, Rick and Morty, Stranger Things, Sailor Moon, and more.” 

I dunno, could be fun. Pertinents at www.blackheartburlesque.com/.


Brent Morin at Comedy Works

Let’s be honest, most sitcoms aren’t life-changing. There’s a few that totally fuck up your shit (Seinfeld, The Office, That 70’s Show and a few others ((in my case)), but mostly they’re good for a laugh. If you find one that lets you escape the world for 22-odd minutes, that’s not nothing.

NBC’s “Undateable” ran during the summer from 2014 through 2016 and was a total delight, in large part because the cast was aces. One of the best characters was Brent Morin’s Justin – a hilariously oversensitive, musical-loving romantic. And while he was all kinds of fun on the show, Morin is also an adept and funny stand-up comedian. 

He’ll be performing at Comedy Works Downtown, 1226 15th St. in Denver, Thursday, Sept. 12 through Saturday, Sept. 14

Find tickets for the different nights and times at www.comedyworks.com/comedians/brent-morin.


September shopping at Sloan’s

If you think summer is the only time for outdoor markets, then get your shit together, you silly tit. 

Denver BAZAAR is bringing a weekend marketplace to the Sloan’s Lake neighborhood, with food, drink and shopping spread out over three blocks starting at Sloan’s Lake Tap and Burger, 1565 N.Raleigh St., Unit 100 in Denver. 

Held on Saturday, Sept. 14 and Sunday, Sept. 15, the market will feature more than 100 local makers, local beer and other beverages, food and fashion trucks, activities and DJs and bluegrass (because who doesn’t think “Dueling Banjos” would slap even harder with a few drops thrown in?) 

Entry is free for general admission, so get all the info you need at www.denverbazaar.com/fallbazaar and prepare to shop. 


BlessTheFall at Oriental Theater

Rock and Roll is dead, or so they say. And like any other creature that can never actually be killed, it just split into other smaller, more aggravating creatures a la Lava Slimes in Minecraft (Oh, the diamonds I have lost to those assholes). Regardless, one of the many offshoots of rock and roll is post-hardcore rock, and for no good reason at all one of the best bands from that genre, BlessTheFall, will the gracing our lil ol’ cowtown with their smooth melodies (JK, its screaming, a lot of screaming and thrashing, but well worth it).

If you need a decent trip down memory lane of the late to early 00’s, here ya go. It’s gonna blow the tits right off of anything Blink-182 did for you.

You can rage your parts off with BlessTheFall at the Oriental Theater, 335 W. 44th Ave. in Denver, at 6 p.m. on Wednesday, Sept. 18Get Tickets Here.


Glen Hansard at Paramount Theatre

If you’ve ever watched Doctor Who, you know it’s a show brimming with clever and moving insights amidst all the running and wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff. And one of the lines that connected the most with me in the show’s modern run is a pretty simple one – “sad is happy for deep people.” 

For good (a little) or ill (mostly this) that has been one of the truisms of my life, especially when it comes to music. My favorite songs are almost always the slow ones, the sad ones, the ones that soundtrack a solitary drive in the rain and the moments after the person you love leaves you. 

Irish troubadour Glen Hansard writes plenty of that kind of music – point of fact, he mostly came to widespread acclaim for co-writing an Oscar-winning love song about a doomed relationship.

Not all of Hansard’s tunes are sad bastard anthems, and he’s written some of my favorite-folk rock of this century. He infuses a fair amount of jazz and soul into his music, and the result can just be achingly lovely. And completely fiery – his 2018 performance at the Boulder Theatre was my favorite of the year, and completely rocked me back. 

So don’t you dare fucking miss him when he comes to the Paramount Theatre, 1621 Glenarm Place in Denver, at 7 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 19. Get tickets at www.paramountdenver.com.


Ordinary to Extraordinary Art Gallery opening

Now that fall has hit, Coloradans everywhere are starting to turn their design attention inward, looking to spruce up the homestead in the unfortunate event that YOU are the one taking in all of the holiday travelers (see above). 

The best way to avoid spending a ton of money on others is to spend it on your house! If you are looking to secure a home-run art piece, consider the new pieces by Sandy Marvin and Patricia Rucker at the SYNC Gallery in the Santa Fe Art District. Their new exhibition, Ordinary to Extraordinary, opens with a reception at 6 p.m. on Sept. 20.


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