Fertilize and seed your lawn
::Old man violently shakes fist at you. Old man yells at you to slow down. Old man tells kids to get off his beautiful lawn.::
I’m that old man now. And as that old man, let me tell you one of the steps I took to get here. A big step. FERTILIZE YA GAADAMN LAWN! Right now, during the super heavy snow season. Your sad, miserable lawn is ready for a pick-me-up.
If you’re single, having a nice, well-kept lawn will bring the maidens fair to the grounds right quick. When I was younger, I would find all sorts of riff-raff loitering on the greens. Not these days. Touch my lawn, cops send me to the frequent flyer line.
Mallrat your way to a stylish summer
Right now, you are running some statistics on what your ideal summer weight will be, and then thinking you can hit it by summer 2021.
That’s okay, because you can buy the hottest summer clothes for next season right now! It’s a really good time to hit your local mall; all of the spring and summer looks are being stocked, and it’s too cold for anyone to give a shit. You will definitely pay full-price, but you could be a solid trendsetter for this year.
Pro-tip: flip up glasses are IN this year. (Clarke’s note – Matt tells me this every year, and I’m still waiting.)
Animal Crossing: New Horizons on Nintendo Switch
Another first-party franchise for Nintendo is making its Switch debut this month with Animal Crossing: New Horizons. This game takes so many cute, nuanced bits of gaming delight and brings it into one package, securing its place as one of the best passive games of all time.
Previous iterations of this game have sunk weeks of my life into ruin, and the incredible art and styling of this game are certain to give fans of the franchise plenty of good lip service.
You can pick up your hard copy at your local GameStop.
Improvise with Shakespeare at the DCPA
I’m a firm believer that you can’t really say you love language and not love Shakespeare. Even if you read his works or see them performed live and get a little lost in the plot, how can one not fall in love with the way he puts his sentences together?
I cannot attest the quality of the sentences you’ll hear at The Improvised Shakespeare Company comedy show, running at The Garner Galleria Theatre, located 1101 13th St. in the Denver Center for the Performing Arts, but they’ll certainly get you laughing.
The show is based on an audience suggestion (a title for a play that has yet to be written) and using that framework the cast creates a fully improvised Shakespearean show on the spot – nothing planned or rehearsed ahead of time.
This show will have you rolling in the aisles and runs through March 22. Get tickets www.denvercenter.org/tickets-events/the-improvised-shakespeare-company.
The Denver Gay Men’s Chorus takes you to Motown
Motown and the soul sounds it inspired over the decades are easily some of my favorite music ever recorded. When the label was in its imperial phase, it was responsible for hit after hit, classic after classic, superstar after superstar. The way the current music economy is set up, I sincerely doubt we’ll ever see anything like it again.
In other words, the Denver Gay Men’s Chorus has quite the repertoire to work from for its 38th annual spring concert, Motown and More!, which will be held at 8 p.m. on Friday, March 6 at Brighton’s Armory Performing Arts Center, 300 Strong St., at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, March 13, and 2 and 7:30 p.m. on Saturday, March 14 at the Ellie Caulkins Opera House, 1385 Curtis St. in the DCPA, and at 8 p.m. on Wednesday, March 18, at Waring Theater at Arapahoe Community College, 5900 S. Santa Fe Dr. in Littleton.
Get the pertinents and tickets at www.rmarts.org/dgmc.
Lane 8 at the Mission Ballroom
My brother is my go-to guy when it comes to all things electronic music, and every time I think I’ve discovered someone new that he’ll really dig, naturally he’s already more than familiar with the musician. 2020 kicked off with me thinking I’d blow his mind by telling him about Lane 8 (given name Daniel Goldstein), but alas, he beat me to the punch again.
In any case, his album Brightest Lights is one of my favorite albums of the year thus far, infinitely listenable and a great option to soundtrack everything from a snowy drive to work to cooking dinner for one.
Lane 8 will be performing at Mission Ballroom, 4242 Wynkoop St. in Denver, at 9 p.m. on Saturday, March 7. According to Wikipedia, Goldstein lives in Denver currently, so this will sort of be like a hometown show. It’ll be fun in any case.
Get tickets at www.axs.com.
Middleditch and Schwartz at the Paramount Theatre
Thomas Middleditch and Ben Schwartz are two incredibly hilarious motherfuckers, in two vastly different ways. You only need to see their breakout performances – Middleditch in “Silicon Valley” and Schwartz in “Parks and Recreation” – to see how different their comedic styles are.
And yet they’ve toured together for years, blending their styles to uproarious effect. Middleditch and Schwartz will be bringing their improvised show to the Paramount Theatre, 1621 Glenarm Place in Denver, at 7 p.m. on Sunday, March 8.
The duo base everything on an audience suggestion and create their characters, scenes and storylines there on the spot. One never knows where the story will take them.
For tickets, visit www.altitudetickets.com.
St. Patrick’s Day Parade
I am going to encroach upon the 14th, which technically isn’t in my coverage time this month… but suck on some corned beef and cabbage, Clarke.
The St. Patrick’s Day Parade here in Denver is a chance to start (or continue) a smattering of horrible, alcohol-related traditions that you so badly want to forget. The parade, which begins at 9:30 a.m. on Saturday, March 14, is pretty fun, but the bars opening early is really the kicker here. Wear green. If someone pinches you, fight them. Poop green beer dye for weeks. This is The Way.
Spend a weekend in Vail’s movie theaters
Returning to its usual winter time, the 17th annual Vail Film Festival, this year presented by the Hallmark Channel, is a brilliant way to see fascinating, challenging and emotional films, all done by female filmmakers. Plus, if you’re like me and don’t really bother with the slopes anymore, it’s a great reason to head up to the mountains in wintertime.
This year’s festival – which runs from Thursday, March 26 through Sunday, March 29 – will feature screenings of dozens of films, documentaries, shorts and student films. An added bonus is the bulk of the films will be shown at Vail’s CineBistro Theater, which is all kinds of swanky.
I’ll be up there covering the event for the third year in a row, so come hang with me (or follow on social), we’ll be watching some great movies, meeting inspiring filmmakers, getting altitude sickness – all the fun stuff.
Tickets and details can be found at www.vailfilmfestival.com.
KAYZO, Funtcase, I See Stars, Downlink and Figure at the Fillmore
Creepin’ Jesus Batman! A post-hardcore and rock-dance show worth talking about! The Fillmore, 1510 Clarkson in Denver, is the ideal size for a show like this: plenty of room to avoid the flailing punches while giving plenty of straightaway room for activities.
I would personally recommend I See Stars as the marquee of this show, which begins at 8 p.m. on Friday, March 27. Make sure you don’t miss them early on.
You can get tickets for the show here.